Look, I have to be honest with you. I wasn’t sure how to say this, but I’m just going to come right out and say it. I really like you. A lot. In fact, I didn’t think this could be a relationship that really lasts. You get me in ways that I didn’t think I would ever be “gotten”. You’ve introduced me to new things, you’ve brought me back to my roots and made me remember better days. You’re always there for me when I’m lonely, sad, tired, afraid. I know I can count on you to get me through the bad times and celebrate with me in the good times.
But. And there’s always a but. With that being said, sometimes I really have to question your judgement. Sure, you brought to light the incredible hilarity that is Family Guy. You reminded me how much I love Gilmore Girls. You make it possible to root for Katherine McPhee while also staying up to speed on Rorygan and LoreiLuke, but I have to ask you, TiVo. Starting Over?? Do I come across like the kind of person who would enjoy Starting Over??? Because I really don’t think I do. I mean, sure, Relationship Rehab, I’m down with that! And UPN? Seriously, just do not ever record anything that comes on UPN. (Except for America’s Next Top Model, because I always forget that–but do not become confused and think that I would also appreciate Girlfriends, because it just ain’t gonna happen) And is it really necessary to constantly rub in my face how very little I took away from those 4+ years of Spanish classes? Just stop recording things off of Univision. I don’t care if it says that it’s supposed to be Quantum Leap–it’s not, it’s Christina, and I can’t understand a damn thing that woman is saying.
I know that some of this is probably my fault. I mean, I’m completely terrified of the red thumbs down button. God forbid I should give Flava of Love 3 thumbs down, and then you think I mean that you shouldn’t record Real World every now and then. Talk about stop being polite and start getting real–TiVo, I would take you down! I should probably work a little bit more on my communication issues. It’s just that it was so easy at the beginning. It seemed like you always knew exactly what I wanted, and I never had to ask for a thing. Now, I understand that our relationship is maturing, and I know you’re just trying to spice it up a little bit, but quite frankly, you scare me sometimes. Let’s just slow it down a little bit and maybe with time I’ll be more open to the idea of experimentation.
The bottom line though is that you realize how much I love you. There. I said it. I love you. You give so much of yourself, and ask so little in return. Sure, you make mistakes, but don’t we all? I’ve learned from this too. I just need to learn not to fear the thumbs down button and be a little less generous with the thumbs up. I thank you for that. It’s a lesson that I fear not enough of us are taught in life. I’d like to leave you with this little testimony to my feelings for you, and please, don’t be afraid. I only hope that in time you can return my feelings. I’m willing to wait TiVo. I’d wait forever for you.